Weird racist things people say

[Nisslbody]

I've actually heard these. Like, from real people that I think of as friends and even family. I think that most of the time they have no idea they're being racist, too, which makes it even more awkward. How do you respond to comments like this?

Feel free to add to the list!


"I don't see color."

"I don't see you as black."

"How do you brush your hair?"

"If black people want to be taken seriously they should learn to speak proper English. I'm not saying it's right; it's just the way it is."

"You're not like other black people... you're different."

"You don't have to tell people you're black... if you don't say anything they would probably just assume you're Italian."

"You're basically culturally white."

"Why do black people give their kids weird names?"

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Pons Nisslbody

"I don't see you as black."

The best response I've heard to this, or it's cousin, "Color doesn't matter to me," is, "I know you mean well, but to say it doesn't matter or you don't see me as black is to deny a very real part of me. I am black. That is what I am. That is not ALL I am, but it is an undeniable fact that shapes a large portion of my life."

And I'm the one who said the unintentionally racist thing. What I meant was that skin color didn't change our friendship or how I thought of my friend. She very politely and firmly made me think about the dismissiveness inherent in that statement.

The other ones I'm not touching with a 10ft pole.

[Dirty Old Uncle Roger]

"I had a black friend in school, once."

"My black friend John says..."

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Dirty Old Uncle Roger

"My black friend John says..."

Which would totally work if you also have a white friend John and didn't know either friend's last name or any other way to tell them apart.

Reminds me of my aunt and "my gay daughter Susan." She only had one daughter. It wasn't like we were going to confuse Susan with her nonexistent straight daughter.

[mwm]

Originally Posted by Solfy

Which would totally work if you also have a white friend John and didn't know either friend's last name or any other way to tell them apart.

Reminds me of my aunt and "my gay daughter Susan." She only had one daughter. It wasn't like we were going to confuse Susan with her nonexistent straight daughter.

You're Annie Xmas' niece?

[Solfy]

Nope - that aunt died 8yrs ago. Gay Daughter is still alive and kicking though.

[RatedZ]

From an in-law - "I'm not racist. I used to work with some black people."
From some guy in a bar in middle of nowhere central PA - "I'm pretty open minded. I'm not prejudice against anyone....'cept of course niggers." (well, of course).

[AuntiePam]

From my mom, referring to her neighbors: "They're lesbians, but they're good people."

My husband recently visited a friend he used to work with. When he came home, he made a point of saying "His wife is a really good housekeeper. I've never seen such a clean house." They're Mexican.

Hubby is a slow learner, but he's learning. I think.

[severe delays]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

From my mom, referring to her neighbors: "They're lesbians, but they're good people."

Oh, my mother does that one all the time. I have no idea why. Not just about sexuality but race and disability too.

I recently had to tell her to not refer to some people in my town as 'coloured'. I honestly don't think she gets why it's rude.

[Nisslbody]

Some of these are pretty priceless! Oh, the things people say. I just have to sigh and shake my head.

Another good one:

"You don't sound black".

I also once, after revealing that I'm half American indian, was asked by my friend's dad "What breed of injun are ya?" but that was a long time ago, in rural Washington state.

[Solfy]

Had a coworker complaining about her neighbors - loud music and guests over until 10:00 at night when she wanted to go to bed at 9:00 - can you believe it?! At one point she used the phrase, "You know how those people are." I wish I could have picked my jaw up off the bench quick enough for a witty retort. And yet I bet she'd swear she's not racist.

[Nisslbody]

Wow! I am amazed that anybody uses "those people" anymore without hearing themselves and cringing.

[Metallic Squink]

I told my mother about a friend of mine (who is white) who married a man from Cameroon. My mother was like "He's black?! But what if they want to have kids?!" I'm like "I'm pretty sure his parts work like anyone else's, you racist old woman!"

[AuntiePam]

Originally Posted by Pons Nisslbody

Wow! I am amazed that anybody uses "those people" anymore without hearing themselves and cringing.

Or "you people". I was seriously schooled on that, about 40 years ago, shortly after we moved from Iowa to Seattle, and ended up in a housing project. Lucky for me, my neighbor knew she was dealing with ignorance, not racism. Although it was racism on my part, just not the ugly hateful kind.

[Nisslbody]

I amuse myself by calling my friends "you people" sometimes. That's pretty much the only context I'd be comfortable saying it in though.

Here's the thing about unintentional racism/sexism/other bigotry; people who engage in it are usually people who would be horrified if they realized what they were saying. As a result, often they will react defensively if the situation is handled clumsily. I don't always know what to say in those situations, because I know they don't mean any harm, and I don't really want to embarrass them, but I also know that they would WANT to know so they could stop. At the same time, I've gotten my head bitten off when the knee-jerk reaction to embarrassment was anger, which is not uncommon.

It's a delicate subject sometimes.

[Pere]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

My husband recently visited a friend he used to work with. When he came home, he made a point of saying "His wife is a really good housekeeper. I've never seen such a clean house." They're Mexican.

Wait, did he mention their ethnicity? How do you know that the comment on her housekeeping was related?

[Nisslbody]

One of the retorts I came up with in my head but haven't had a chance to say is "If white people want to be taken seriously, they should learn to speak Oxford English. I'm not saying it's fair, it's just the way it is".

It's funny in my head. I'll probably chicken out of actually saying it if the opportunity ever comes up, though.

There is definitely something to be said for learning college english; we all need to be able to communicate clearly and effectively. But most people have different sets of mannerisms for different situations, which is why you rarely hear people talking like gutter punks at formal events, and equally rarely hear people talk like they're giving a presentation around the dinner table. Because that would be fuckin' weird, man.

[Diamonds02]

I was at Applebee's with my friends and this gay white guy went on how he missed being around black people since he moved to our location. One of the girls blurted out "hey, a few of us are black???". He replied, "Not just any black people, I'm talking about missing being around INNER CITY blacks!" My female friend was kind of offended, but I could barely contain my laughter.

LOLOL!

[Elyanna]

I joined a social network for my neighborhood. I've since blocked the updates it pushes to my email because it got really annoying quick.

Anyway, one of the more "watchdoggy" neighbors posted something like, "Be vigilant!! You KNOW what sort of people should be in your neighborhood and which shouldn't!!"

[JackieLikesVariety]

"You don't sound black"

I suppose, online, that might be "you don't write black"

[Diamonds02]

Originally Posted by JackieLikesVariety

I suppose, online, that might be written "you don't write black"

A LOT OF BLACK PEOPLE TYPE IN CAPS. NOT THE BOUGIE TYPE OF BLACKS (MeanOldLady, monstro, and 'em) YOU SEE HERE AT THE DOPE/RAFFE, BUT IN PLACES LIKE YOUTUBE AND MESSAGE BOARDS THAT TALK ABOUT HAIR.

ALSO THERE MAY BE NECK ROLLING AND OTHER MOVEMENTS. WHEN I WAS A RECEPTIONIST, THERE WAS ANOTHER BLACK ONE ON THE OPPOSITE SIDE OF THE SUITE. WHENEVER SHE CONCENTRATED REALLY HARD SHE POPPED HER GUM. AWW, I MISSED HER, SHE WOULD TROLL GROUCHY OLD WHITE PEOPLE BY WALKING HARD/LOUD IN THE BREAK ROOM. I ALSO MENTIONED HER HERE...

http://boards.straightdope.com/sdmb/...d.php?t=630167

[Hoopla]

"That wee darkie girl who works at the corner store has such beautiful teeth!"


-my grandmother

[/b/earman]

I went on Tumblr like a moron, and discovered something called "Trans Nigger". At first I thought maybe it's a post-black power empowerment term. I was thinking something like a "enlightened black". NOPE just typical tumblr horseshit. Oh white kids you and your first world problems.

Also "I see the person not the color" is always hilarious because you can literally see the person lips quiver when they say it.

[Kat]

Originally Posted by Elyanna

Anyway, one of the more "watchdoggy" neighbors posted something like, "Be vigilant!! You KNOW what sort of people should be in your neighborhood and which shouldn't!!"

People who don't wear plaids and stripes together?

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by Diamonds02

I was at Applebee's with my friends and this gay white guy went on how he missed being around black people since he moved to our location. One of the girls blurted out "hey, a few of us are black???". He replied, "Not just any black people, I'm talking about missing being around INNER CITY blacks!" My female friend was kind of offended, but I could barely contain my laughter.

LOLOL!

That's hilarious! and also

[ragnarofl]

Another one, if you're white and you've ever worked retail, is the white person who assumes you're going to let them cut in line in front of a person of color. Uhhhhh...NO.

OK, that one's not spoken. But the assumption galls the fuck out of me.

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by ragnarofl

Another one, if you're white and you've ever worked retail, is the white person who assumes you're going to let them cut in line in front of a person of color. Uhhhhh...NO.

OK, that one's not spoken. But the assumption galls the fuck out of me.

Oh wow. I didn't even know about that!

[AuntiePam]

Originally Posted by Pere

Wait, did he mention their ethnicity? How do you know that the comment on her housekeeping was related?

He didn't need to mention it -- I've met them.

The comment was related because (1) he's never before commented on anyone's housekeeping, good or bad, and (2) he was surprised. He was praising her housekeeping because he didn't expect it, and he didn't expect it because she's Mexican.

I've lived with him for twenty years. He has a lot of racist notions. He's getting better though.

[Euryphaessa]

A very sheltered, home-schooled (up until college) classmate of mine got really upset one day because someone corrected him when he referred to someone black as "coloured". His reasoning was something like he didn't want to be called "white" because white people kept slaves and he didn't want to be associated with that, so for some reason this meant that black people feel the same but in reverse? I have no idea what he was talking about, but my god was he ever defensive about it.

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by Euryphaessa

A very sheltered, home-schooled (up until college) classmate of mine got really upset one day because someone corrected him when he referred to someone black as "coloured". His reasoning was something like he didn't want to be called "white" because white people kept slaves and he didn't want to be associated with that, so for some reason this meant that black people feel the same but in reverse? I have no idea what he was talking about, but my god was he ever defensive about it.

That's kind of funny! I've always wondered why "people of color" is OK but "colored people" isn't. Personally I'm fond of "colored", it has a silly quaintness to it.

[Pansy]

Oh, lord, the crap I have heard..... I have a face that says "tell me EVERYTHING that wanders through your tiny brain."

The coworker who called R&B "jigaboo music" and honestly had no clue why that was offensive.

The elderly neighbor who thinks "things" were "better" when everyone kept to their own neighborhoods. "You know, the polacks stayed together, the jews stayed together, the uhm, uh, err, afros stayed together...."

The woman in the DMV who wondered if Mrs Obama "does something" to her hair or if she caught the "half breed hair" from Barack, but whatever, "it is pretty that way" and hopes the "littlest girl will catch it too."

The guy in the grocery store who wondered if President Obama really went in the water or if it was just a photo op to pretend he is "just like us" (re: magazine cover of Obama on a beach)

My mother, who won't get a professional manicure or pedicure because "all" vietnamese women are sex slaves, and she just won't support "THAT."

I have to confess that I have said "you people." In my defense, I meant CITY people. The conversation was about someone slipping on ice after a freak freeze in Malibu, CA, and I was defending the broken tailboned coworker by saying "I have noticed you people don't watch where you're walking. Maybe it's because you are used to safe sidewalks everywhere." Luckily, my boss understood that I am a hick, not an asshole.

[AuntiePam]

Just remembered another one. The bookkeeper at a law firm where I worked in Seattle commented in a staff meeting about "jewing" down a vendor. The Jewish partner didn't say anything, but he did kinda roll his eyes.

Can someone not know the origin of terms like "jewing down" and "gyp"? I'd like to think it's just ignorance. If she knew what it meant, would she have said it in front of her boss?

[Nisslbody]

The water thing! OMG! I wonder if they think Cullen Jones is CGI.

http://uptownmagazine.com/files/2012...llen_jones.jpg

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

Just remembered another one. The bookkeeper at a law firm where I worked in Seattle commented in a staff meeting about "jewing" down a vendor. The Jewish partner didn't say anything, but he did kinda roll his eyes.

Can someone not know the origin of terms like "jewing down" and "gyp"? I'd like to think it's just ignorance. If she knew what it meant, would she have said it in front of her boss?

I would really, really like to hope it's just ignorance, combined with habit.

[Steophan]

Originally Posted by Pons Nisslbody

One of the retorts I came up with in my head but haven't had a chance to say is "If white people want to be taken seriously, they should learn to speak Oxford English. I'm not saying it's fair, it's just the way it is".

Like this?

[Dirty Old Uncle Roger]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

Just remembered another one. The bookkeeper at a law firm where I worked in Seattle commented in a staff meeting about "jewing" down a vendor. The Jewish partner didn't say anything, but he did kinda roll his eyes.

Can someone not know the origin of terms like "jewing down" and "gyp"? I'd like to think it's just ignorance. If she knew what it meant, would she have said it in front of her boss?

When I was a kid, "gyp" was still a thing.

We had no idea what it meant. Decades later, I still cringe sometimes.

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by Steophan

Like this?

Ugh, that's kind of awful. > Yes, like that.

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by Dirty Old Uncle Roger

When I was a kid, "gyp" was still a thing.

We had no idea what it meant. Decades later, I still cringe sometimes.

When I was a kid, "gyp" was bandied about, it was OK to hate on the "Russians" (our local gypsy community) and everybody slung the word "retard" around like it was going out of style. Which it subsequently did, leaving us all with an obnoxious verbal habit many of us are still trying to train ourselves out of to this day.

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Pansy

The woman in the DMV who wondered if Mrs Obama "does something" to her hair or if she caught the "half breed hair" from Barack, but whatever, "it is pretty that way" and hopes the "littlest girl will catch it too."

TIL that hair texture is contagious, and possibly sexually transmitted.

I never mentally associated "gyp" with gypsies as a kid; always thought of it as just a word, quite possibly spelled "jip." The only time gypsies were mentioned was when we threatened to sell my brother to them.

[Clockwork Jackal]

Originally Posted by Pons Nisslbody

I would really, really like to hope it's just ignorance, combined with habit.

I had no idea "gyp" was an ethnic slur. I thought it just meant to cheat or rob or whatever.

[Dirty Old Uncle Roger]

Originally Posted by Elyanna

I joined a social network for my neighborhood. I've since blocked the updates it pushes to my email because it got really annoying quick.

Anyway, one of the more "watchdoggy" neighbors posted something like, "Be vigilant!! You KNOW what sort of people should be in your neighborhood and which shouldn't!!"

Sounds like you live in my neighborhood.

My neighbor refers to anyone who isn't a WASP as "those people".

[pickle berry]

Originally Posted by RatedZ

From an in-law - "I'm not racist. I used to work with some black people."

I'm trying to find a way to slip into a conversation, "I'm not racist. I see black people on TV all the time.", jokingly and have it come off where everyone knows I'm joking.

Seriously though I'm not racist. I have a friend of a friend who is black.

[bufftabby]

"I don't speak Jive."

[Metallic Squink]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

"I don't speak Jive."

Oh, stewardess. I speak jive!

[jali]

"*Your* name is Jill?" (at a job interview when called for my turn -- as though I was busting the line in front of the real candidate)

"You totally don't sound Black/you sound White." (by both races)

"Is you hair real?" (I have locs)

"Is it different with a White guy?" (after I talk about Markie)

"I love Medea." This was worked into a conversation about SciFi movies. They were shocked that I hate those movies: "But they're about your people."

[jali]

I heard this spoken to my friend Tha, who is from Cambodia: "I LOVE Chinese food!"
We laughed so hard at this one.

[Solfy]

From my Chinese coworker:
"You can't trust Chinese people." (tongue in cheek in a discussion of Chinese restaurants)
"You said the visitors are quiet? Then they must be Japanese. Chinese tourists are never quiet." (not tongue in cheek; then he spied on all the visitors and told me what they were saying behind our backs; they complimented our light switches )

I like his sense of humor.

[Nisslbody]

Originally Posted by jali

"*Your* name is Jill?" (at a job interview when called for my turn -- as though I was busting the line in front of the real candidate)

"You totally don't sound Black/you sound White." (by both races)

"Is you hair real?" (I have locs)

"Is it different with a White guy?" (after I talk about Markie)

"I love Medea." This was worked into a conversation about SciFi movies. They were shocked that I hate those movies: "But they're about your people."

OMG! The first one!

People are WEIRD.

[Scarlett67]

My mother, telling my friend about the manager of the trailer park (I know, I know) where she spends her winters in Texas:

"She's Mexican, but not scuzzy like you usually think of Mexicans."

Yes, because (1) we ALL think all Mexicans are scuzzy, and (2) oh, but the ones YOU know are OK.

My friend managed to suppress a smirk as she glanced over at me (sitting behind my mom) and saw my eyes rolling out of my head.

------

Another one from my mom, not racist but still WTF: I was helping her deliver the hand-knitted hats that she makes for the Salvation Army (which is very nice of her). But she confessed that she felt uncomfortable going to the SA because of "all the bums" hanging around there. Gee, mom, you mean the bums that you're knitting hats for?

[Nisslbody]

Hahaha oh that's classic!