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#1
25th October 2018, 03:05 PM
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My Dad died this evening.
He started to have stomach pains at the beginning of the month. His GP made an appointment for a ultrasound on Monday 15th. The result showed fluid around his stomach and a shadow on his liver. An appointment was made for a CT scan.
On Wednesday, early afternoon, the pain got too much for him and called the GP who in turn called an ambulance for him. Dad then called me. I went with him to the hospital but left a few hours later to tell Mum at her care home. Not much to tell her except that he has been admitted to hospital with stomach pains and a CT scan had been booked for him. Thursday saw me visiting mom after work before going to see Dad. All he could tell me that the CT scan confirmed what the ultrasound found. I visited Dad after seeing Mum on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Over the weekend I noticed that Dad was slowly getting worse. I spoke briefly his doctor who told me that they could not operate on him and all they could do was to keep him comfortable. While leaving work on Monday I got a phone call for a doctor who wanted a meeting with me and Dad the next day. The next day arrived and I don't remember what she said at the meeting as I was freaking out because she is a palliative care specialist. Also she wanted another meeting the following day. Wednesday morning, at the meeting, the doctor told us that Dad was dying of liver cancer. (The cancer caused the fluid around Dads stomach which blocked his bowel and caused all the pain he was having.) Since they cannot treat the cancer Dad had to choose to either stay in the hospital, go to a hospice or die at home. Dad choose to die at home. I told the doctor that I could look after him. Doctor left to made the arrangements. I stayed a little longer before leaving to tell Mum about the news. She didn't say much. I went back to the hospital that evening I stayed there watching dad sleep. This morning I received another call from a doctor telling me that Dad had a bad night and his breathing was worse and they'll try to get him a private room. When I got there Dad was asleep and his breathing was laboured. I stayed there until 4pm. A friend of Dad arrived just after 3pm so I left him with Dad while I went to see Mum. The manager of the care home wasn't in so I talked to the duty nurse informing her about dad. She didn't know Dad was in hospital as Mum didn't tell anyone. Told Mum about dad. She didn't say anything. I went back to the hospital and it was noticeable that Dads breathing had got worse during the two hours I was away. Dads friend left and I was prepared to stay the night. I just sat there watching Dad. The interval between Dad breathing out and breathing in got longer and longer. Then he just stopped. I got up, went to the door. The nurses station was just opposite the room and told the student nurse who looked at me that Dad had stopped breathing. He got another nurse to check on Dad. Saw Dad take one last breath. She left to get a doctor to pronounce death. When he arrived he asked how I was and all I could say was "just fantastic". The doctor examined dad and used a torch app on his phone to shine the light in dads eyes. I spent the following hour informing my brother, dads sister and his friend. Once that was done I just sat there. A couple on nurses looked in on me asking if I wanted any tea. Eventually I gather up dads things and said goodbye to him before leaving. It took 40 minutes to walk home. I'll tell Mum tomorrow. 
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#2
25th October 2018, 03:12 PM
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You helped give your Dad a peaceful death, there is no greater gift. My total sympathy and fellow feeling to you, Lungfish. There are few things tougher emotionally than losing a parent.
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#5
25th October 2018, 04:01 PM
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I'm sorry Lungfish.
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#6
25th October 2018, 04:56 PM
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Quote:
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#7
25th October 2018, 04:57 PM
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Oh, this is so sad and I'm sorry for your loss. That was a wonderful gift you gave your dad, though, a calm and peaceful passing. I'm sending you strength and peace and ease, blessed be to you and your family.
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#11
25th October 2018, 05:45 PM
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That's very sad. You have my sincere condolences.
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#12
25th October 2018, 06:07 PM
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I am so sorry.
please continue to post all you like about how it's going with you and your Mum, we are all thinking about you.
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#13
25th October 2018, 06:24 PM
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My deepest condolences, Lungfish. It seems that in the end all we can do is be there for our loved ones as you were for your dad. I'm sure it was a comfort to him.
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#17
25th October 2018, 07:05 PM
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I am so sorry for you, Lungfish, my heart is breaking as you have joined the same club I joined 15 years ago, a club no one ever wants to join...I will spare the back story, but my father survived cancer for 8 years until it was time to bring him home with hospice care...we gathered as a family, we sat with Dad, we knew it was coming, the morning he passed, my Mom, my sister, her husband and my brother decided they needed a break, it was about 8:00 a.m., they took the dogs for a walk, I brewed some coffee and went upstairs...as soon as I sat down, I knew it was different, he was fading, as you said, the breathing was noticeably longer and further apart between breaths...he passed within minutes...ugh
My deepest condolences to you and your family.
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#18
25th October 2018, 09:24 PM
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My condolences. It sounds like everything came at you very quickly, and you're managing quite a lot on your own. I wish you peace.
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#20
26th October 2018, 06:22 AM
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Such sad news - I am sorry to hear of your loss.
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#23
26th October 2018, 07:45 AM
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I'm so sorry for your loss. I was with my dad when he died, and while it was sad it also gave me comfort to know that his suffering was over. I hope you and your family can find comfort in his passing.
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#24
26th October 2018, 07:48 AM
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I am so sorry.
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#26
26th October 2018, 08:11 AM
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I'm very sorry, Lungfish. Peace to you and your family.
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#29
26th October 2018, 01:07 PM
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I want to thank you for your messages of support it is greatly appreciated.
Before going to see my mother I went to our doctors surgery (office) to inform them. The hospital had already told them. Talk a little with the doctor and both he and the receptionist said nice things about Dad. Every word true. Telling Mum wasn't easy. She didn't say much usual. I just babbled. I left somewhat earlier than I should as I had more people to inform. My mothers sisters and her friend were shocked to hear the news. A bolt from the blue you might say. Also talked to my brother and dad friend to find out how they are. They both advised me to arrange a meeting with dads lawyer asap. I have to look through dads papers to get their name and address. The hospital hasn't got dads medical certificate ready yet and was told to call back tomorrow. I need the medical certificate of death, and other documents, to take to The Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages who will issue A Certificate of Registration of Death. I need that to give to the funeral director so we can have a funeral. I went back the care home that afternoon to be with mum.
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#30
26th October 2018, 01:23 PM
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Oy, good luck getting through the mess while grieving. Makes it extra tough that you're the one that has to do it.
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#32
2nd November 2018, 12:50 PM
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Funeral arraignments have been made. My brother has finally arrived and already is driving me nuts. It good to see him again.
__________________
I taught John Travolta to dance.
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#33
2nd November 2018, 01:29 PM
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Sounds like progress. I hope the funeral is what you need it to be. It's always a shame when it takes something like this to bring people together, but I'm glad you're happy to see him.
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#36
3rd November 2018, 04:37 AM
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Oh, Lungfish.
 I'm so very sorry. Such an honor to your father that you were there at the very end. I'm keeping you in my heart while your own heart heals. 
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#37
3rd November 2018, 09:35 PM
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I am so so sorry -- I'll be thinking of you and your family.
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#38
4th November 2018, 03:07 AM
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My sympathies, Lungfish. But you were there for him. He knew that.
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#39
4th November 2018, 03:42 AM
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Sorry for your loss, Lungfish.
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#40
5th November 2018, 09:01 AM
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I never know what to say in threads like this,
Cherish the memories, and look forward I guess. I wish you peace of mind though -
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#41
5th November 2018, 12:56 PM
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I'm sorry for your loss.
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#42
5th November 2018, 01:44 PM
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I'm sorry to hear this, as well.
I hope you find comfort and peace when the time is right.
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#43
5th November 2018, 02:41 PM
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I am so sorry for your loss. If you’re like I was after my dad died, right now you’re really focused on taking care of your mom and everyone else around you, and that’s okay for now. Just make sure that when the funeral and caring for other people begins to slow, you take time to mourn and take care of yourself.
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#44
8th November 2018, 11:11 AM
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Genuinely sorry for your loss, Lungfish. This is “just” a message board, but sometimes is all we have – glad you shared with us, and keep us informed, we are here to help, in our ineffective way.
In other words, yes, we get this is gut wrenching. So sorry.
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#45
16th November 2018, 11:15 AM
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The funeral was on Tuesday. Instead of having a Minister or a celebrant doing the service I did it myself. It went well though I am not going to do it again.
Spent this evening emailing Dads pension provider and life insurance company. I still need to get the lawyers to get me power of attorney for my mother and Applying for Confirmation (probate).
__________________
I taught John Travolta to dance.
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