January Jackass Jargon (minirants)

[Harry]

I'm beginning to think I may have erred with my resolution to post less snark in 2014.

[AuntiePam]

Originally Posted by maplekiwi

I'll start with the comparatively minor issue that my son stayed up all night watching You tube clips & used up all our internet. He knows we don't have unlimited. So I (or as we have told him he) are paying per gb till the 26th.

That'd tick me off too. There aren't many conveniences where I live -- we don't even have a grocery store. But we have a home-grown telephone company/ISP where you can buy unlimited internet for less than $30 a month.

[maplekiwi]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

That'd tick me off too. There aren't many conveniences where I live -- we don't even have a grocery store. But we have a home-grown telephone company/ISP where you can buy unlimited internet for less than $30 a month.

yeah where we live we can't get unlimited. So when he lived with us before our useage really went up & our contract was due for renewal so we added 10gb. Then he moved out.

Remind me to tell you how he got a black eye on New Year's Eve next time I'm on.

[Pere]

Originally Posted by AuntiePam

As for weather reports, why make the reporters stand outside in the wind, snow, rain, etc.?

It's stupid. Especially when they're standing near an ice-covered highway reporting on accidents.

Originally Posted by Solfy

We might not believe that it snowed this afternoon if they're not out standing in the snow. :nods sagely:

I am reminded of the "rock" method of weather-telling. You know, put a rock outside your window. Look at the rock to ascertain conditions. Rock is wet=it is raining. Rock is white=it is snowing. Rock is gone=tornado!

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by Metallic Squink

Do you know how much a fucking wheel for a 2012 Mercedes costs?!

I don't, but now I'm morbidly curious. Why can't the tires be rotated? And I thought the stupid 17" low-profiles my car likes were a pain in the ass. At least I can get 30K out of them and rotate them.

Husband's SUV has slow leaks in both front tires. He puts air in them every two to three days.

[JackieLikesVariety]

There aren't many conveniences where I live -- we don't even have a grocery store. But we have a home-grown telephone company/ISP where you can buy unlimited internet for less than $30 a month.

that is truly Most Excellent

[Harry]

Originally Posted by Solfy

I don't, but now I'm morbidly curious. Why can't the tires be rotated? .

Hard to say for sure without knowing which M-B she has, but some manufacturers put different size tires on the front and rear of different models. Also, not all tires can be rotated between left and right sides, although front to back is usually OK, provided they're the same size. Tires that can't be rotated should be inspected at what would be the rotation interval to check for abnormal wear. As for cost of the wheel, that's also hard to say for sure, but $120 and up for a used one would not be out of line. Mercedes is awfully proud of their cars and car parts.

[Jaglavak]

Figure a grand for a new Mercedes rim. Ouch.

[Diamonds02]

ANAL SEX!

[threnody]

I have to go to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off. I don't want to, no no!

[Dragonlady]

I went back on Saturday after being off since the 23rd.

It was every bit as vile as you might suspect.

[bufftabby]

I have the same problem tomorrow. It's been almost 3 weeks. Ugh.

[Metallic Squink]

Originally Posted by Solfy

I don't, but now I'm morbidly curious. Why can't the tires be rotated? And I thought the stupid 17" low-profiles my car likes were a pain in the ass. At least I can get 30K out of them and rotate them.

Husband's SUV has slow leaks in both front tires. He puts air in them every two to three days.

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

Figure a grand for a new Mercedes rim. Ouch.

Harry is right - the tires on the back are not the same size at the ones on the front. And apparently since I have a "sport" version of a Mercedes, the tires are considered "high performance" which means softer rubber which means less mileage out of them. I didn't have any issues with the tire pressure on the mostly-bald tires so I didn't even know they needed to be replaced. I do have to admit that the car runs much more smoothly now.

As for the wheel, $568.00. The back tires are bigger so I guess I should be happy that I didn't have to replace one of those. All told, the bill was $2200.

[mlerose]

We went to a baby shower yesterday for a very close family member. It was a coed shower with lots of food and tasty beverages and such, and both my niece and another baby were there so I got in lots of baby snorgling time. The problem? The moment when someone yelled at me from across a crowded room, "Where's yours, Emily?" Like THAT's an appropriate question to yell across a crowded room at ANYONE?

[bufftabby]

Originally Posted by mlerose

Like THAT's an appropriate question to yell across a crowded room at ANYONE?

What a jackass.

[Solfy]

Ouch, that sounds painful Squink, but not as bad as I'd imagined. Good shoes on your car are so vital, yet so unfun to buy.

Mle - ouch. Clearly someone who lives in a world where baby fairies deliver them to anyone who wants one whenever they want one, and only people who want one. Must be nice to be so clueless.

I'm wondering when the tree fairy is going to take the undecorated tree out of my living room. Maybe after it wakes up from its nap, but I'm not holding my breath.

Why the hell do Girl Scouts insist on making cookie season mother fucking January? I've got to take the girls out today because it's actually hovering around the freezing point and won't be this warm for quite a while. It's the last thing I feel like doing today on a whole list over other things I need to do and also don't feel like doing.

Having two days back at work wasn't that bad for me this week. After the holidays nothing gets done because everyone is BSing about how their holidays went and everyone's in a good mood. Next week should be painful.

[Steerpike]

Originally Posted by threnody

I have to go to work tomorrow after 2 weeks off. I don't want to, no no!

I hear ya; it is far too nice outside to go back to work today SO I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO

[EmilyG]

Originally Posted by Solfy

...Why the hell do Girl Scouts insist on making cookie season mother fucking January? I've got to take the girls out today because it's actually hovering around the freezing point and won't be this warm for quite a while. It's the last thing I feel like doing today on a whole list over other things I need to do and also don't feel like doing....

I wish you could just send people Girl Guide cookies through the mail. Heck, I'd buy some.

[Amythyst]

Originally Posted by mlerose

The problem? The moment when someone yelled at me from across a crowded room, "Where's yours, Emily?" Like THAT's an appropriate question to yell across a crowded room at ANYONE?

What an asshole! I hope this isn't someone you have to see on a regular basis. One of your friends should have a little chat with this person about proper etiquette, or at least give him/her a sound beating with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

Yesterday I got a snippy text from my brother complaining that I "never answer [my] phone anymore." He called me twice when I was working late, once when I was about to watch a show I'd been waiting all day to see, and once when I stepped out for a few minutes to check the mail. Apparently I'm supposed to be chained to my phone at all times so he has an audience for his D&D stories while his wife is at work.

[Wolf Larsen]

Originally Posted by Amythyst

What an asshole! I hope this isn't someone you have to see on a regular basis. One of your friends should have a little chat with this person about proper etiquette, or at least give him/her a sound beating with a baseball bat wrapped in barbed wire.

Yesterday I got a snippy text from my brother complaining that I "never answer [my] phone anymore." He called me twice when I was working late, once when I was about to watch a show I'd been waiting all day to see, and once when I stepped out for a few minutes to check the mail. Apparently I'm supposed to be chained to my phone at all times so he has an audience for his D&D stories while his wife is at work.

You know, you just gave me the idea for a product. The Unh Huh! When a bore calls you, you put the phone on The Unh Huh! It has a signal processor and every time there is a 750 millisecond pause in the speach, it says "Unh Huh" or "and then?". It can also sense variants on "bye" and says "byeloveya" and hangs up.

This thing could be huge.

[Ludovic]

Originally Posted by bufftabby

-10 + 5i is not even a real number, so that cannot be a real temperature. Glad I could solve that problem for you. Now keep those kind of temps AWAY!

FTFY

[Solfy]

Originally Posted by EmilyG

I wish you could just send people Girl Guide cookies through the mail. Heck, I'd buy some.

We're allowed to do orders that way, but we have to pay shipping out of pocket.

Turns out it wasn't a terrible afternoon to schlep, and I feel all productive and virtuous now. So to the couch it is!

[threnody]

Originally Posted by Dragonlady

I went back on Saturday after being off since the 23rd.

It was every bit as vile as you might suspect.

Actually so far it's not too bad. This is going to be a HUGE year.

Originally Posted by Steerpike

I hear ya; it is far too nice outside to go back to work today SO I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO

I know, right? I fell so into the routine of waking early, read in the sun with a cup of tea, renovate/clean/fix/garden in the morning, early, while it's cool(ish), then a swim after lunch and painting or reading, with maybe another swim, and then a glass of wine in evening. And I did this for

[threnody]

Originally Posted by Dragonlady

I went back on Saturday after being off since the 23rd.

It was every bit as vile as you might suspect.

Actually so far it's not too bad. This is going to be a HUGE year.

Originally Posted by Steerpike

I hear ya; it is far too nice outside to go back to work today SO I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO

I know, right? I fell so into the routine of waking early, read in the sun with a cup of tea, renovate/clean/fix/garden/walk on the beach/whatever I felt like doing in the morning, early, while it's cool(ish), then a swim after lunch when it was too hot to do anything else and then painting or reading, with maybe another swim, and then a glass of wine in evening. And I did this for TWO WHOLE WEEKS! It's practically a habit now!

Not to mention is 29C here today (84.2F) and absolutely gorgeous outside and here I am stuck in fake air with a huge workload.

[Jaglavak]

Originally Posted by threnody

I fell so into the routine of waking early, read in the sun with a cup of tea, renovate/clean/fix/garden/walk on the beach/whatever I felt like doing in the morning, early, while it's cool(ish), then a swim after lunch when it was too hot to do anything else and then painting or reading, with maybe another swim, and then a glass of wine in evening.

You mispronounced, "Crawl out at a civilized hour, linger over coffee & breakfast & the news, putter around in the afternoon, work out around sundown, and then beer & chow time." Heathen!

[Steerpike]

Originally Posted by threnody

I know, right? I fell so into the routine of waking early, read in the sun with a cup of tea, renovate/clean/fix/garden/walk on the beach/whatever I felt like doing in the morning, early, while it's cool(ish), then a swim after lunch when it was too hot to do anything else and then painting or reading, with maybe another swim, and then a glass of wine in evening.

You missed out "try to eat my own body weight in cherries each day".

[threnody]

Originally Posted by Jaglavak

You mispronounced, "Crawl out at a civilized hour, linger over coffee & breakfast & the news, putter around in the afternoon, work out around sundown, and then beer & chow time." Heathen!

Ohh it was so so good.

Originally Posted by Steerpike

You missed out "try to eat my own body weight in cherries each day".

Whaddya mean "try to"

I am also now a human/cherry/mango hybrid.

Actually, I'm going to call everyone a mango now.
Ya mango.

[Steerpike]

Loquat.

[Wolf Larsen]

Originally Posted by threnody

here I am stuck in fake air with a huge workload.

Spotty wants his lunch and that food doesn't buy itself.

[Springtime for Spacers]

Originally Posted by Pere

I am reminded of the "rock" method of weather-telling. You know, put a rock outside your window. Look at the rock to ascertain conditions. Rock is wet=it is raining. Rock is white=it is snowing. Rock is gone=tornado!

On the same principle I just wait for the cat to come in and feel his back. We don't get tornadoes here or I might not be so blase.

Bonus point why did it look wrong when I spelt it tornadoes but look right after the spell checker made me change it?

[threnody]

Originally Posted by Steerpike

Loquat.

Oh how rude!

Originally Posted by Wolf Larsen

Spotty wants his lunch and that food doesn't buy itself.

I know right? And he eats a LOT.

Actually he's lost a bit of weight having more space to run around in. He still has man boobs, but now they are empty pouches of skin (he's an older cat) rather than fat-packed pert bosies.

[severe delays]

Drank wine. Many wine. Bought things online. We shall see what arrives in the coming days....

[Solfy]

Was gifted an Onion Page-a-day calendar for my desk at work.
Content is very much NSFW.


Last year it was a Sudoku a day. Because I have time to sit and do fucking puzzles at work. (I recognize the irony of being on here, but these are short little bursts between other, actually productive things) Traded it for a Dilbert. Don't know if there's still time to trade this one.

[Radical Edward]

I am dogsitting. Of course Noodles and Ghost have decided that it's time to not shut the fuck up. ALL GODDAMN NIGHT.

[Jaglavak]

Originally Posted by severe delays

Drank wine. Many wine. Bought things online. We shall see what arrives in the coming days....

Uh oh. Quick, send me your credit card info and I'll make some random purchases from over here. Then the bobbies might believe your cover story that the card got stolen.

[Amythyst]

Originally Posted by Wolf Larsen

You know, you just gave me the idea for a product. The Unh Huh! When a bore calls you, you put the phone on The Unh Huh! It has a signal processor and every time there is a 750 millisecond pause in the speach, it says "Unh Huh" or "and then?". It can also sense variants on "bye" and says "byeloveya" and hangs up.

This thing could be huge.

I'd buy one, but only if it also has a timer that ends the call after 30 minutes or so. I'm not wasting all of my minutes so my brother can ramble on about Super Sentai, Cartoon Network's programming decisions, or whatever other topic he feels the need to lecture me on that day.

My life would be so much easier if I could find a way to have an honest conversation with my brother without him going into a severe depression, calling in sick for a week, and/or getting into a car accident because he's too pissed off at me to drive responsibly.

[bufftabby]

I got my truck door open this morning. Too bad part of it stuck to the door frame when I did it. Urgh.

[Wolf Larsen]

Originally Posted by severe delays

Drank wine. Many wine. Bought things online. We shall see what arrives in the coming days....

That Anal Intruder butt plug set was quite a steal.

[Wolf Larsen]

Originally Posted by Amythyst

I'd buy one, but only if it also has a timer that ends the call after 30 minutes or so. I'm not wasting all of my minutes so my brother can ramble on about Super Sentai, Cartoon Network's programming decisions, or whatever other topic he feels the need to lecture me on that day.

My life would be so much easier if I could find a way to have an honest conversation with my brother without him going into a severe depression, calling in sick for a week, and/or getting into a car accident because he's too pissed off at me to drive responsibly.

I'll add the ability to scream "ohfuckthesmokealarm" and hang up after a set amount of time.

[Amythyst]

Originally Posted by Wolf Larsen

I'll add the ability to scream "ohfuckthesmokealarm" and hang up after a set amount of time.

In that case, sold!

[severe delays]

I noticed from my email that one of the online stores I visited wasn't a million miles from Wolf's suggestion. I actually remember looking at stuff but I can't remember what I bought. They tried to deliver it (them?) today but I was asleep so it's at the post office. I'll have to get it tomorrow.

I've also remembered that I measured up some artwork and got picture frames which I hope I was sober enough to measure correctly cos they're bespoke and I assume non-returnable. I *know* there was a third thing but damned if I can remember what. The mystery continues!

[Solfy]

The saga of the bathroom continues. Got another guy in to run an estimate today. He went on about how much work it's going to be. "Can't run lines to the existing stack,* gonna have to drop a new waste stack. Need to call in a roofer for that since you've got the membrane roof up there**. . . Need to bust up the basement floor***. . . Yep. It's doable and a good idea****, but it's going to be a LOT of work." If you don't want the job, just say so. I get the impression they're more of a "take an existing bathroom and make it pretty" outfit, not a "build me a bathroom where there's currently a bedroom" kind of place.

The good news is Husband was able to get an emergency plumber out to repair the existing hot water line, which did indeed split from all the stress after it was thawed and running, and the cold line finally thawed. I don't want to think about how much that will cost today because I'm unwilling to live a life without hot showers in it.


*Funny, all the other plumbers who have looked at it, and there've been several, say the run wouldn't be a problem.
**The fuck we do. Membrane roofs aren't mystical voodoo, you just have to seal around any hole you make with the right materials.
***Why is everyone we talk to allergic to mother fucking jackhammers? I'll go rent one and bust up the 3' of concrete myself.
****No shit, Sherlock. Anything is doable. But do you want to do it? Because if not, quit wasting my time. I'll find someone who does.

[Radical Edward]

Puppy ate five rounds of buckshot sometime during the night. Guess I better call the vet.

[Radical Edward]

Vet says the puppy will be fine.

All the water in my house is frozen. I can't even wash my hands. I feel so gross.

[MsWisher]

I'm pretty sure I'm living in a sitcom and it's not a very good one.

In the last three weeks we've had 6 days of no power, one ice storm, one snow storm, one polar vortex and now there is a car on my lawn. The BEST, the absolute best part is she has no idea how it happened because she wasn't speeding and she didn't even brake.

Now I'm the 5th house from the corner and since it's a T intersection she had to turn there to get onto the street. Speed limit is 40km and she somehow drove 50' through a 4' snowbank that is at least half ice. The car was jammed halfway up the passenger side into this frozen mess and the only reason she could exit the car is the drivers side was on the sidewalk. 30 mins later that sidewalk would have been full of kids from the high school around the corner walking to the plaza for lunch.

There was another 30' of snow between her and the front porch but today was garbage day and it's fucking everywhere. Luckily I had been lazy and the recycling wasn't out yet so those boxes aren't crushed at least, it's just bags but anyone taking bets on her cleaning it up after the tow truck manages to free her?

[Guinastasia]

Originally Posted by Radical Edward

Vet says the puppy will be fine.

All the water in my house is frozen. I can't even wash my hands. I feel so gross.

As long as he doesn't fart.

Do you have hand sanitizer for little things? Go and get some bottled water too, so you can wash up. (In the future, drip the faucets at night to prevent this)

[severe delays]

Shoes! I bought SHOES!

[bufftabby]

It rained inside at work today. That wasn't supposed to happen.

[Jaglavak]

Yes, that is generally considered to be a foo paw.

[Radical Edward]

Burst a fucking pipe.